Thursday, October 16, 2008

airline miles and prayers

I would love to ask for prayer and parting of miles (on Northwes*t).

Bob and I have finally enough miles to fly for free (thankyou God!). We would love to have you all pray that the airline allows us to use those miles. We have enough miles for Northwes*t.
I was just on checking prices and OH NO, if we do go in December the ticket prices are already at 2 -3 THOUSAND. YIKES. We still have to buy a round trip for Daniel and a one way for Drew (b/c he is 2).
Please pray for people to donate A LOT of airline miles for Daniel (he doesn't have any and we need 60K) and if we don't get the needed miles, somehow get the money and/or the prices go back down...

For those that might wonder why Daniel is going .. it really is a long story BUT here is the short version..
Daniel was adopted at the age of 31 mos (2 years and 7 months). We left on Jan 26 2007. We were matched the previous July (06). As we waited, Daniel spent his time in foster care.. so we thought.. In August he had palate surgery (yep after we sign the papers and they NEVER told us.. )
From Octoberish time frame until Jan (3ish months) he was moved between the Foster home and the SWI.. when either he or his foster mother (who had raised him since he was one month old) melted down or couldn't deal with being away from each other.. they reunited them... and so the story goes that he went back and forth MANY times... Of course we didn't know this until after .. so as you can imagine, my child was a wreck. He didnt' know about permanency and was constantly "looking" for his new mom and place to stay. He became angry with me and took it out on the girls (his sisters).. after several months of this and his behaviour escalating (waking up or staying up in the middle of the night and would go in to attack, yes attack his sisters.. usually Sophia). It began to affect our entire family.. and the girls were petrified of him. Bob and I were "prepared" for attachment and with my formal background I was very prepared. However, sometimes love just isn't enough and everything we tried didn't work. At the time BCS had a Christian Adoption Trauma Counselor and one day I just broke. I cried and couldn't breathe. Bob said, call the agency and see how we can help him. Bob said, we adopted him, he is our son and God gave him to us. He is staying. But we need to figure this out with some help. So I called and long story short we were seeing her soon. She said, most folks say "typical boy behaviour " and other typical behaviours and then when the child is 8 or 12 they are so angry that the entire family is in big trouble.. anyways, in our first FIRST session,, Daniel looked at me and said, "Mommy you broke my family. I hate you."
I looked right at him and said "daniel, that is okay. I have enough love for us both". and tried my hardest to not let the tears forming inmy eyes to drop and form a puddle he would really like to jump in.
the therapist said at the end of that session daniel really was bonded to me but he also was afraid to get hurt again (from the situation in China). She gave us lots of information- some we had, some we had already tried and then AHA some we never tried.. one was reading certain books on adoption about the mom staying forever. Daniels favorite book to this day is "momma mine, momma mine". Our book reading is our bonding time. He is one active boy but i can settle him everytime with a book :O)
We also went back (again) to me doing everything for him,.. dressing him, bathing him, serving his food, cutting his food, brushing his teeth.. ect. even things beyond the basic needs. He also went back in a higchair and a gate on the door at night with a monitor on in his room.
We pulled him from his preschool class (we only put him in there b/c sophia was in there and he was in preschool in china and really wanted to keep his schedule as normal as possible0. Once he was back home with me duringtheday, life was slowly getting back to normal. our normal. Here is the other thing, I stopped loving on daniel. it breaks my heart to say that. but i did. he was hurting our family and i started to build a wall. I still loved him but i began to build my own wall. it was daniel that one day asked, 'mommy why don't you kiss me on the lips?' You see, I didnt' realize i stopped. from that day forward I felt incompetent. I felt small.I felt guilty. So I started to pray. Bob prayed over me. I wrote on my mirror his name. I wrote daniel. so that every morning I would see his name and ask God to put in me a love for him that he [God] had for me and him[daniel]. Every night I saw his name and again would pray.. soon, i was praying throughout the day for him, for me to love him the way God loves us when we are hurting and broken. Daniel was broken. His heart was all over the floor and it was our job to wait until God put his pieces back together again.
God has been faithful to His child. both me and daniel. His heart is healing. He loves me openly and fully. I love him like a mommy should love their first son. He is my precious baby and I am so in love with him. God is SOOOOO good.
Where is Daniel in the whole scheme of things? He "knows" that I am his mommy. He love s me. But there are times when he ask other women to go home with them. He wonders if truly I am here for the long haul. So everyday I have to prove I am here for the long haul. and that is okay by me. I know it is what he needs and I am more than willing and wanting to give him that assurance. Our move here created some anxiety in him. He asked us, "when you move, do I get to come too" he had some tears and I lost it. I cried and cried and held him. I told him" you are a Shelton now and forever. You will Always come with us and we will never leave you. You belong to this family now. this family is your family."
NO child should EVER wonder if they get to go too.. I still tear up when i tell that story. God continues to give us little glimpses into Daniels heart and I praise Him for answering those prayers.
Once we got here, after the move, things REALLY started to get better.
I know we have a Loooooong way to go. So the conclusion of this short story :O) is that we feel and have prayed about it. We feel that daniel should go with us. TWO weeks without me may just send us back to the beginning! So whether the money/mileage comes or not, daniel is coming with us. perhaps it will show him the adoption of his brother and solidify our adoption of him.
We didn't plan for this adoption. We planed for Daniel. So again, like with Sophia's adoption, God is showing us that He will provide. Everytime we have needed the money, God provides. God planned this adoption. God is written all over this adoption of Drew.
My good friend Karen, thought it would be a good idea to put the airline mile plea out here.
please pray for us and if you want, you may put us out there in bloggy land for the miles.
thanks and there is more to the story (like everyday life with a child that hates you and also loves you at the same time). You can email me anytime if you want more or need more.
I partly didn't want to put it out there b/c i didn't want others to shy away from older adoptions, but then we shouldn't hide this either.. i felt so alone when we were going through it.. no one should feel alone. we are here to support each other. :O) And God can work it out. I know that sometimes it isn't the answer too. What I am saying is that for our family, we were not disrupting. I know this is a touchy subject, i don't want anyone to think that i am judging b/c we chose to keep our son. God makes different plans for different families. there is no right or wrong in this. it is a personally, family decision. okay, just felt like i needed to say that.
Daniel is a blessing to my heart , our family and I know God has blessed our family through our obedience. He has blessed us with Daniel. I am so humbled to be his momma.

2 comments:

Wolfes Home said...

Thanks for sharing your heart, Jill. This road is not easy, can't imagine going it without our Father on our side. Praying that we both can use our miles to bring our boys home!

Unknown said...

I just want to hug you. You, your family & journeys have touched my heart deeper than just friendship and deeper than my feeble words can ever begin to describe. Just know that I care for you & my prayers are with you always. :)

Sharon