I am linking this new blog I found.. uumm that God had me find :O)
It is so real, so raw, so inspiring, so beautiful. I was captivated by just the writing and then on a deeper level by being blessed by her words..
If you get a chance go to : http://aholyexperience.com/
I love this new blog! Umm, her blog is not new.. it is just new to me.
Thanks Shelly ( www.wildnoodles.blogspot.com )for linking it to your site so I could find it :O)
what a Great Day!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
waiting
yep we are still waiting... as of today here are our exact stats:
Days waiting from:
dreamt of our son 731
Signed with agency 328
Matched 104
LOI 103
LID 89
PA 82
still waiting on the LOA/LSC and TA and CA.
I was told from our agency that it would take an additional 5 to 7 weeks AFTER LOA is received...to get our hands on our child. YIKES
SO then my sweet friend Becky ( i love ya girl) sent me this today in an email...
how can I complain, when He is making me into His image? when He has already moved mountains? when He loves me? noooo I can't at all.
jill
Malachi 3:3 says:
'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes,he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy --when I see my image in it.'
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Days waiting from:
dreamt of our son 731
Signed with agency 328
Matched 104
LOI 103
LID 89
PA 82
still waiting on the LOA/LSC and TA and CA.
I was told from our agency that it would take an additional 5 to 7 weeks AFTER LOA is received...to get our hands on our child. YIKES
SO then my sweet friend Becky ( i love ya girl) sent me this today in an email...
how can I complain, when He is making me into His image? when He has already moved mountains? when He loves me? noooo I can't at all.
jill
Malachi 3:3 says:
'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.
He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says:
'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.'
She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.
The man answered that yes,he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.
The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'
He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy --when I see my image in it.'
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
out of the mouths of...
yesterday the little ones were with me while I dropped off sarah for swim team practice..
I decided to surprise them with a little treat.. i bought two bags of "batman" reeces pieces..
As Sophia was eating her's.. she says.. 'well, this is not living the life!'
I was laughing so hard and then I said, 'well missy moo if you are not happy with my selection for you I will be more than happy to eat your surprise!' She just laughed and laughed.
First let me say.. Sophia is not a child that ever complains or is unhappy about something that she gets. She always has the one-liners that are so funny.. evidently this time.. she wanted a different treat.
I decided to surprise them with a little treat.. i bought two bags of "batman" reeces pieces..
As Sophia was eating her's.. she says.. 'well, this is not living the life!'
I was laughing so hard and then I said, 'well missy moo if you are not happy with my selection for you I will be more than happy to eat your surprise!' She just laughed and laughed.
First let me say.. Sophia is not a child that ever complains or is unhappy about something that she gets. She always has the one-liners that are so funny.. evidently this time.. she wanted a different treat.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Prayer request
Our friends, good friends, are adopting from Vietnam. They have a 3 year old child that they were due to go adopt soon. .. however, things are crazy. evidently some things transpired ( not allowed to talk about it on this public post) and although her daughter is not involved at all - people at the SWI are and now NO ONE can come get any of the children.
PLEASE PRAY for the trouble and for the children to be released. Their daughter KNOWS THEY WERE COMING... please pray for our friends and their daughter. Our friends are Jan and Greg.
Thank you so much for bringing this petetion to our Holy One.
PLEASE PRAY for the trouble and for the children to be released. Their daughter KNOWS THEY WERE COMING... please pray for our friends and their daughter. Our friends are Jan and Greg.
Thank you so much for bringing this petetion to our Holy One.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
what is going on???
I am incredibly sad today. I went to download my photos from Sophia's birthday party and only two photos came off the camera. And I took MANY photos. Then last night Bob put together Drew's toddler bed :O) and again, took waaaay too many photos (I mean really, a bed is a bed and one does not need 20 photos!) AND AGAIN the camera shows me I took them... but they are NOT on my card.. so I only have a couple..
Does anyone know what is going on with my camera?
Here are the photos..
And I am posting photos of the kids blowing out candles on Thursday.. Drew's 2nd birthday :O) They enjoyed that. Sophia said.. we can't eat the cake it is for Drew. I told her it was okay and we could do it again when he is home. So then she said, well we will have to give him two pieces to equal us. :O) what a sweet girl for already sharing. I also added my necklace that says Faith, Hope and Love (In Chinese). It is so beautiful.
Miracles from God
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
about Urgent Pray Request
Sorry folks, they passworded their site. I don't have acess any longer. Here is the quick version and you can see a photo if you go to Barbies sight (in my side bar - Leaving footprints)
On Gotcha day after WAITING for their entire group to see and hold their babies for the first time, the guide turned to them and said ' come with me'.. their child was in the hospital and barely alive. her oxygen counts range from 60 to 90. and they keep asking if she wants a another child. they are trying their best to expediate the paperwork to get her to Vanderbilt. The ch.ines.e officials in that province are not eagerly working as they perhaps could.. so for the papers adn the child pray.
for the mom and dad whom are professing believers in Jesus Christ.. they are worn out, blearly, and sad. they are staying by their daughters side. they are wondering and calling out to Jesus to get them through this, they are saying 'we can't hear Him'. they are asking 'where is He' .. they are being attacked and are weak. both in their hearts and physical being. Please pray for them.
God doens't leave us. God loves us. through the tough times and the good times.
pray with a soft heart. tread lightly on this couple. lift them up. have compassion and love for them. they are going through their own hell right now.
what touched my heart was the adoption and the sick child; sophia was in the hospital for a week two years ago. her ox counts dipped past 59 and she was not well. she had bilateral pnemonia and couldn't hardly breathe. I held her in my arms the entire week, morning, day and night. I remember asking God to please save her life, to please heal her. She had her first seizure [that i know of] during that hospital stay. It was the scariest thing to witness. She was in my arms and it awoke me from a sleep. i remember begging God and asking 'why would he give her to me and then take her so soon' i just didn't understand adn was weak and hurting.
My heart knows [even though the situation is different] the pain of watching your chidl struggle to breathe, the pain of waiting to see what is to happen, and being confused, hurt and quite frankly a little angry. Isn't He strongest when we are weakest? but it isn't something anyone of us would ask for in knowing we want and desire Him to be strong over our lives..
So I am pained to hear of this family and their pain. Praying for healing on everyone's part, for rest, for peace, for a steadfast faith, and rebuke s*tan.
please commmit to praying for this family.
jill
On Gotcha day after WAITING for their entire group to see and hold their babies for the first time, the guide turned to them and said ' come with me'.. their child was in the hospital and barely alive. her oxygen counts range from 60 to 90. and they keep asking if she wants a another child. they are trying their best to expediate the paperwork to get her to Vanderbilt. The ch.ines.e officials in that province are not eagerly working as they perhaps could.. so for the papers adn the child pray.
for the mom and dad whom are professing believers in Jesus Christ.. they are worn out, blearly, and sad. they are staying by their daughters side. they are wondering and calling out to Jesus to get them through this, they are saying 'we can't hear Him'. they are asking 'where is He' .. they are being attacked and are weak. both in their hearts and physical being. Please pray for them.
God doens't leave us. God loves us. through the tough times and the good times.
pray with a soft heart. tread lightly on this couple. lift them up. have compassion and love for them. they are going through their own hell right now.
what touched my heart was the adoption and the sick child; sophia was in the hospital for a week two years ago. her ox counts dipped past 59 and she was not well. she had bilateral pnemonia and couldn't hardly breathe. I held her in my arms the entire week, morning, day and night. I remember asking God to please save her life, to please heal her. She had her first seizure [that i know of] during that hospital stay. It was the scariest thing to witness. She was in my arms and it awoke me from a sleep. i remember begging God and asking 'why would he give her to me and then take her so soon' i just didn't understand adn was weak and hurting.
My heart knows [even though the situation is different] the pain of watching your chidl struggle to breathe, the pain of waiting to see what is to happen, and being confused, hurt and quite frankly a little angry. Isn't He strongest when we are weakest? but it isn't something anyone of us would ask for in knowing we want and desire Him to be strong over our lives..
So I am pained to hear of this family and their pain. Praying for healing on everyone's part, for rest, for peace, for a steadfast faith, and rebuke s*tan.
please commmit to praying for this family.
jill
URGENT PRAYER REQUEST
Please please give this couple your prayer time. They are in Ch*na now.
God help them.......
you will have to copy and paste b/c i am in a huge hurry to post this and it takes me tons of time to direct link it.. sorry
http://roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com/
Their child is VERY sick and Leslie is looooooooooowwwwwww. PLEASE PRAY
God help them.......
you will have to copy and paste b/c i am in a huge hurry to post this and it takes me tons of time to direct link it.. sorry
http://roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com/
Their child is VERY sick and Leslie is looooooooooowwwwwww. PLEASE PRAY
I was nominated!!!!!!!!!
For the YOU MAKE ME SMILE AWARD!
WOW, I am so humbled by the shout out! It makes me happy that I made someone smile and so much so that she nominated me :O))))) I am so honored! So to share in that happiness I must pay it forward and nominate 5 others that make me smile.
But first I want to say THANK YOU to Barbie at
moments memories milestones
You will love her blog. And just incase the link didn't work she is on my sidebar.
So now I get to tell others who has made me smile! Well, that is a hard one b/c I am not sure I can limit it to just 5. But since I "cheated" on the book call out.. I will play by the rules this time..
My nominations are:
1. Cynthia at,
my Chinese Dumplins
2. Kelly at,
Miracle of the Mondos
3. Lisa at, Tate R Bug
4. Kathy at Our China Posse, (in my sidebar, but password protected)
5. Angela at,
Bring the Rain
So to follow the rules.. here are their characteristics...
each one of these ladies are in different places in their lives.. a journey.. and through the pain, the anxiety, the wait, the tears, the laughter, the day.. they find laughter and they openly share it. They are real, they are kind, they celebrate children - either theirs or others and sometimes both. They are making positive impacts on the bloggy world.I have tears a lot when reading their blogs, yet I smile too. They are joyful through their pain. they teach me, the encourage me [even when i am a lurker] and they make me want to come back to see their journeys.. i find myself praying for them. Perhaps b/c we have been on similar journeys.. or perhaps they are teaching me about the journey.. God bless them all.
And to those of you who are reading this.. God bless you too. I also love reading your blogs.
Here are the Smile Award rules:
1. The recipient must link back the the award's creator.
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must choose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself.
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award, as posted by Mere.
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.
Characteristics for the Smile Award:
1. Must display a cheerful attitude (not necessarily at all times--we are all human). Thank you for the disclaimer!
2. Must love one another. Hopefully it is ok to love some more than others:)
3. Must make mistakes. Who me?4. Must learn from others. One of the main reasons I blog.
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world. I try!
6. Must love life. Yeah, most days!
7. Must love kids. Ooh, easy one:)
Monday, September 15, 2008
when we travel..
we will have a blog at www.journeytome.com
It will be password protected for a little while. Email me to get the username and password.
I am putting this out here now just incase you are not a once a week reader ;o>
jill
PS.. I will not write much on there until we get ready to travel.. ie:TA
PPS.. I have already loaded two photos of him :O) on our JTM site
It will be password protected for a little while. Email me to get the username and password.
I am putting this out here now just incase you are not a once a week reader ;o>
jill
PS.. I will not write much on there until we get ready to travel.. ie:TA
PPS.. I have already loaded two photos of him :O) on our JTM site
Thursday, September 11, 2008
AGHHHH
Imagine me sitting on the floor after our fun night of watching Sarah Grace opening her gifts and me saying to my very sweet, caring, sensitive husband ;o> 'honey, how come i can't get reeeeeally close shots with this lens?' Bob, the protective, give Jill anything she desires husband that he is.. asked for the camera..
So me not paying attention to him WITH the camera I was talking with Daniel. Okay folks.. I am going to POST what my soul mate took photos of .. with out me knowing.. and then i hear this soft chuckle, oh you know the one that comes only from someone who just got away with stealing cookie before dinner kinda chuckle.. so after the foot shot.. ohhh wouldn't' it be fun to do a shoot on my brows?
yeeea. here i am out in the open.. no makeup- except a little left over from yesterday [oops].. haven't had my brows done since we MOVED here almost 3 months ago and eeewwww those feet.. how did that happen? YIKES.. I am trying to skimp and save but geesh.. i guess a girl has got to do what a girl has to do.. especially when the above mentioned best husband in the world just did a layout on those neglected parts..
LOL
Photos of Sarah's night
My baby just turned eight... and of course she had to get a PINK pair of shoes oh yea baby!
Happy Birthday to our first born..
Today is a day both of great joy and sadness. Eight years ago, as I laid in an excellent room overlooking a perfect view I held this little 8 1/2 pound beautiful baby girl that we had begged, pleaded and prayed to have. I was alone that night, and it was peaceful. I held her up to the window to show her the harvest moon. It was huge and the most intricate color of orange and red with some brown. I nursed her that night by the moons light and it was surreal. It was this side of Heaven. It was my deepest desire to be a mom.
Sarah Grace you have brought so much joy in our lives. I am so grateful I am your mom. As much as i don't want you to grow up.. I am excited and proud of the girl you are and look forward to the plan God has for your life.
The day you turned ONE, our country changed. That Tuesday morning, your grandma and Great Aunt Mary, Daddy and I were watching the news and saw a tragic event unfolding.. because we were out of sorts from the events of 9/11 - we forgot to close the gate and down you went.. we spent the rest of the morning at the hospital.. it was a crazy day.. a day of celebrating your first birthday and a day of sorrow, grief and bewilderment.
We still pray for the lives lost, changed and our government/soldiers whom protect. It is a day we will never forget.
So at this time I would like to say thank you to all who serve and protect. To the families who wait at home and the parents who raised our soldiers. God bless you all.
Sarah Grace you have brought so much joy in our lives. I am so grateful I am your mom. As much as i don't want you to grow up.. I am excited and proud of the girl you are and look forward to the plan God has for your life.
The day you turned ONE, our country changed. That Tuesday morning, your grandma and Great Aunt Mary, Daddy and I were watching the news and saw a tragic event unfolding.. because we were out of sorts from the events of 9/11 - we forgot to close the gate and down you went.. we spent the rest of the morning at the hospital.. it was a crazy day.. a day of celebrating your first birthday and a day of sorrow, grief and bewilderment.
We still pray for the lives lost, changed and our government/soldiers whom protect. It is a day we will never forget.
So at this time I would like to say thank you to all who serve and protect. To the families who wait at home and the parents who raised our soldiers. God bless you all.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
more
Sophia blowing out her candles out.. our speech therapist would be so proud!
Her "big" gift.. the Sharpea (sP?) car.. from her list..
The blanket sarah and I put together this week..
Wallee cupcakes..
every girl has to have a pair of new shoes..
the tea set we bought in 2004 for her.. bob showing her how to open the box.. then a close up of her tea set.. which they are now playing with :O)))
Her "big" gift.. the Sharpea (sP?) car.. from her list..
The blanket sarah and I put together this week..
Wallee cupcakes..
every girl has to have a pair of new shoes..
the tea set we bought in 2004 for her.. bob showing her how to open the box.. then a close up of her tea set.. which they are now playing with :O)))
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
SOPHIA! We love you so much. Just as Sarah said in Genesis to God about her son, you have brought us laughter!
We praise God for you! The last 4 years have been amazing and God has taught us MUCH about being parents and His love through you. God taught us about the adoption into His family through the adoption of you. We saw, first hand, the love He has for us, an unconditional love, a love that is the same as His love for Christ. Just as we are co-heirs with Christ - you are a co-heir with your siblings to the Shelton name. You are every bit a part of me as your siblings. I love you with an unbridled passion and protectiveness one can only get from the Holy one. You are every ounce my daughter and I am grateful beyond words that you call me momma. It drives me to the throne in utter thankfulness.
We love you sooooooooooooo much!
happy 5th birthday!!!
(Sophia has chosen to have a Tea party :O) on Sunday afternoon- photos to come soon!)
We praise God for you! The last 4 years have been amazing and God has taught us MUCH about being parents and His love through you. God taught us about the adoption into His family through the adoption of you. We saw, first hand, the love He has for us, an unconditional love, a love that is the same as His love for Christ. Just as we are co-heirs with Christ - you are a co-heir with your siblings to the Shelton name. You are every bit a part of me as your siblings. I love you with an unbridled passion and protectiveness one can only get from the Holy one. You are every ounce my daughter and I am grateful beyond words that you call me momma. It drives me to the throne in utter thankfulness.
We love you sooooooooooooo much!
happy 5th birthday!!!
(Sophia has chosen to have a Tea party :O) on Sunday afternoon- photos to come soon!)
David or Isaiah
David or Isaiah? Do you long for a relationship that is holy with the Holiest? What is preventing you from complete and full surrender? Have you tasted being in the presence of the Lord and if so do you long to stay there? If not, do you long to get there?
I want to be like David AND Isaiah. I want to be a woman after God's own heart like David and I want to be in full surrender like Isaiah and say "Here I am Lord, I will go, Send ME!!" - even before I know the destination.. even after I find out where the "where is".
For years God was placing on my heart a passion and yearning to go minister to the needs of the children He calls His own. Yet I was petrified. I long to go on a "mission trip" and be "changed forever". I was on fire. I was jumping up and down with my hand in the air like a school girl that KNEW the answer.. "over here, pick me, ohohohoh pick meeeeeeee". And like most 'teachers' God knew I knew the answer but wanted to chose someone else this time that was reluctant to go.. to mold them and have them rely on Him only.. I keep hearing in my heart, "wait child, you are not ready yet". I would reflect on this and ask - why am I not ready yet. With a wounded pride and disappointed heart. I wanted to go NOW . Isn't it just like our world today.. get [it] in our minds and BAMM make it happen nooooooowwwww. So I waited.. for YEARS. I knew that I needed MAJOR areas in my life pruned. So my heartfelt prayer was to weed me, groom me and search my heart Oh Lord for the issues that I am not aware of. Heal me. Prepare me for your work.
I am bruised.
The weeding I endured was nothing like Job, yet I did often refer back to Job while being weeded. How did he react, what did he say, think, feel.. I also found new insight to the day Jesus died. The beatings, the ridicule, the spit.. He never said anything. Never pleaded His case.. never. And three days later He was ALIVE. I am so ever thankful of the stories that God has given us - to teach us, to show us the way. I love reading the Psalmist David. He is so real, and shows us so much emotion. I have found relief and comfort in the Book of Psalms.
The pruning that took place that even continues today was slow at first. Just as a child is learning to walk.. then it came on fast and furious .. to only again come on like soft waves at midnight on the ever stretching ocean. The mighty one had to slowly begin with me for He knew how fragile my heart really was. Isn't the thought of Him loving you in an intimate way and knowing He knows EVERYTHING about you - yet still loves you like you were the only person alive, enough to drive you flat out on [my] face? Once the tough pruning began, it was only in time that He would allow me to rest.. in Him.
In this time He made it very clear I was going to go to China to spend time with orphans and Sarah was to come also. He put on our hearts that He was also grooming her heart to be a servant. I was giddy to know that our daughter and I were finally able to go into the field. After years of "pick me, please pick me" I started to have doubt about going.. 'what was i thinking' 'did i study enough scripture to be wearing the shield/breastplate and sandals and carry the sword?' It was then through the book of Isaiah - God spoke to me.. my eyes become clear with Isiah 40:28-31, 41:8-15, and 42:1-13
After meditating on these passages a new stirring was evident in my belly. The arm raised saying oohhhohhhhhohh pick me pick me was converted to a humble heart that said 'oh Lord, i am not worthy to minister to their needs. yet, i know I can do this through you' Oh Lord, I am willing and able to go should you find me your servant. I know there are others much better suited for this calling. Lord I only want to love you. How do I love you fully and completely ALL the time with every ounce of my being? How do I trust you ALL the time with JOY in my heart?
I have tasted being in the presence of the Lord. I long to be there again. I am like the ocean, that at times I am tossed around b/c I am at the edge near the sand.. only with my toes emerged.. Lord I want to be in the bottom of the ocean in the stillness of you.. no waves, no drama, nothing but a cleansed soul. I have been both places like peaks and valleys..
So today, instead of jumping up and down yelling pick me pick me.. I quietly wait on the Lord to chose, I tell him, I am willing to go ANYWHERE you chose. I am your servant. I will go with joy in my heart. And if this is not your will in my life I am trusting you. I am obedient, I have learned the call of obedience.. it is trust and joy that I struggle with, please Lord teach me those qualities.
at times I still,by the nature of my heart, yell pick me ohhh my turn.. as I long to get to the place where Isiah was.. a humble servant.. patiently waiting on the call of the Lord. And to be like David seeking God's own heart.
I am but a sinful, ugly person. I am made beautiful by the grace of God. I am a work in progress that continues to stumble and be picked up by the One whom loves me the most.
suggested reading: THe Holiness of God by RC Sproul
From this book/chapter that I am in comes these questions:
Have you ever had an experience in which you were overcome by God's presence, in which you were "undone" by God's presence? In what ways do you need to be refined by the fire of God's holiness? Isaiah's repsonse to God's revelation of his holiness was, "Woe is me," What is your response?
I want to be like David AND Isaiah. I want to be a woman after God's own heart like David and I want to be in full surrender like Isaiah and say "Here I am Lord, I will go, Send ME!!" - even before I know the destination.. even after I find out where the "where is".
For years God was placing on my heart a passion and yearning to go minister to the needs of the children He calls His own. Yet I was petrified. I long to go on a "mission trip" and be "changed forever". I was on fire. I was jumping up and down with my hand in the air like a school girl that KNEW the answer.. "over here, pick me, ohohohoh pick meeeeeeee". And like most 'teachers' God knew I knew the answer but wanted to chose someone else this time that was reluctant to go.. to mold them and have them rely on Him only.. I keep hearing in my heart, "wait child, you are not ready yet". I would reflect on this and ask - why am I not ready yet. With a wounded pride and disappointed heart. I wanted to go NOW . Isn't it just like our world today.. get [it] in our minds and BAMM make it happen nooooooowwwww. So I waited.. for YEARS. I knew that I needed MAJOR areas in my life pruned. So my heartfelt prayer was to weed me, groom me and search my heart Oh Lord for the issues that I am not aware of. Heal me. Prepare me for your work.
I am bruised.
The weeding I endured was nothing like Job, yet I did often refer back to Job while being weeded. How did he react, what did he say, think, feel.. I also found new insight to the day Jesus died. The beatings, the ridicule, the spit.. He never said anything. Never pleaded His case.. never. And three days later He was ALIVE. I am so ever thankful of the stories that God has given us - to teach us, to show us the way. I love reading the Psalmist David. He is so real, and shows us so much emotion. I have found relief and comfort in the Book of Psalms.
The pruning that took place that even continues today was slow at first. Just as a child is learning to walk.. then it came on fast and furious .. to only again come on like soft waves at midnight on the ever stretching ocean. The mighty one had to slowly begin with me for He knew how fragile my heart really was. Isn't the thought of Him loving you in an intimate way and knowing He knows EVERYTHING about you - yet still loves you like you were the only person alive, enough to drive you flat out on [my] face? Once the tough pruning began, it was only in time that He would allow me to rest.. in Him.
In this time He made it very clear I was going to go to China to spend time with orphans and Sarah was to come also. He put on our hearts that He was also grooming her heart to be a servant. I was giddy to know that our daughter and I were finally able to go into the field. After years of "pick me, please pick me" I started to have doubt about going.. 'what was i thinking' 'did i study enough scripture to be wearing the shield/breastplate and sandals and carry the sword?' It was then through the book of Isaiah - God spoke to me.. my eyes become clear with Isiah 40:28-31, 41:8-15, and 42:1-13
After meditating on these passages a new stirring was evident in my belly. The arm raised saying oohhhohhhhhohh pick me pick me was converted to a humble heart that said 'oh Lord, i am not worthy to minister to their needs. yet, i know I can do this through you' Oh Lord, I am willing and able to go should you find me your servant. I know there are others much better suited for this calling. Lord I only want to love you. How do I love you fully and completely ALL the time with every ounce of my being? How do I trust you ALL the time with JOY in my heart?
I have tasted being in the presence of the Lord. I long to be there again. I am like the ocean, that at times I am tossed around b/c I am at the edge near the sand.. only with my toes emerged.. Lord I want to be in the bottom of the ocean in the stillness of you.. no waves, no drama, nothing but a cleansed soul. I have been both places like peaks and valleys..
So today, instead of jumping up and down yelling pick me pick me.. I quietly wait on the Lord to chose, I tell him, I am willing to go ANYWHERE you chose. I am your servant. I will go with joy in my heart. And if this is not your will in my life I am trusting you. I am obedient, I have learned the call of obedience.. it is trust and joy that I struggle with, please Lord teach me those qualities.
at times I still,by the nature of my heart, yell pick me ohhh my turn.. as I long to get to the place where Isiah was.. a humble servant.. patiently waiting on the call of the Lord. And to be like David seeking God's own heart.
I am but a sinful, ugly person. I am made beautiful by the grace of God. I am a work in progress that continues to stumble and be picked up by the One whom loves me the most.
suggested reading: THe Holiness of God by RC Sproul
From this book/chapter that I am in comes these questions:
Have you ever had an experience in which you were overcome by God's presence, in which you were "undone" by God's presence? In what ways do you need to be refined by the fire of God's holiness? Isaiah's repsonse to God's revelation of his holiness was, "Woe is me," What is your response?
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
some more...
the second photo is of Sarah and our dear friend with their babies.. of course Sarahs is a doll but this was too cute to not post!
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Referral Day 4 years ago... and 8 years ago
Today marks a huge moment in our lives.. September 9th 2000, I was gleefully admitted to a hospital in Grand Forks ND to birth our first child. I was anxious, grateful and very excited to finally see her precious face. I will never forget the time spent- 36 hours- in labor and finally an emergency C-section to get Sarah Grace to come into this world! But honestly, it was worth it.. every bit of 26 weeks of puking so hard and much that my MIL had to come up to take care of me..that I lost 20 pounds in my first trimester :O( then preterm labor at 32 weeks that put me on a every three hour med (trib)around the clock to keep her in for just a weebit more.. Then two weeks early weighing in at a whopping 8 pounds 4.5 ounces (good thing she didn't wait 2 more weeks~ouch!) Finally, on September 11, 2000 I fell more in love than I had ever experienced. I praise God for the opportunity to carry a child to term. For allowing me to have my desire to be a mom. For hearing my pleas and cries and granting me what I don't believe was in the plan but yet He found mercy and heard the prayers of MANY. It was then I truly began to believe in the power of prayer. It was 14 mos since I gave my heart to my Lord and it was amazing.
Four years later, my heart was moved again. My desire had been to have so many children.. yet it just wasn't so. Or so I thought.. On September 9th, 2004 - time stood still as my girlfriend and I (and our husbands :O)) experienced God's love and plan for our lives.. we saw our daughters for the first time. We went through our adoption together and it was God who brought us together. Miranda you are precious to me. It was 7:34 in the morning and the phone rang.. our SW said, Jill you have a daughter. I fell to the floor. I remember gathering all the information.. Sarah was still asleep, and so I called Bob to share the news that he too was going to "have a baby" in 5 weeks. Her b-day was the next day... she was turning one! Sarah woke up and I called my dearest friend Christy (I probably called my mom too but honestly I don't' know what order i made the calls.. oops). I wasn't even dressed when Christy said I will be right over.. I love her! I heard her come through my front door and I came literally bouncing and screaming around the corner.. she has it all on video and it is a hoot to watch.. me with no hair brushed.. in my p.j.'s elated that Sarah had a sister! It was then, on film that I told Sarahgrace.. her reaction was priceless and forever etched in my mind. I tear up just thinking of that day.. I waited so long to be a mom again.. we have so many babies in heaven waiting on us.. it was healing.
That day we went to our agencies office to see her and sign papers excepting her as our daughter. I can't begin to describe how emotional that day was. It was relief, happiness, over-the-top-joy, giddiness, forgetfulness, running in circles and going no-where-ness, sorrow in knowing she had to have loss in order to be part of our family, can't wait to get my hands on her - ness.. and more.
So today, I am sure I will get sappy.. b/c my two daughters share the same "labor/referral" day.. and they have brought so much joy into our lives.
Wed is Sophia's 5th birthday and Thursday is SarahGrace's 8th.. What a happy week for us..
oh. and Drew will be two years old next week :O)
Thank you Lord for the blessings and miracle children in our life. may I always love them like you love them, treat them as you treat me and encourage them the way you have been my cheerleader. Lord, thank you for these children, my gifts from you. They are so precious to me and i am so grateful that you keep trusting me to be their mom. I am overwhelmed with emotion that you continue to trust me and allow me to raise your gifts... thank you thank you thank you...
Four years later, my heart was moved again. My desire had been to have so many children.. yet it just wasn't so. Or so I thought.. On September 9th, 2004 - time stood still as my girlfriend and I (and our husbands :O)) experienced God's love and plan for our lives.. we saw our daughters for the first time. We went through our adoption together and it was God who brought us together. Miranda you are precious to me. It was 7:34 in the morning and the phone rang.. our SW said, Jill you have a daughter. I fell to the floor. I remember gathering all the information.. Sarah was still asleep, and so I called Bob to share the news that he too was going to "have a baby" in 5 weeks. Her b-day was the next day... she was turning one! Sarah woke up and I called my dearest friend Christy (I probably called my mom too but honestly I don't' know what order i made the calls.. oops). I wasn't even dressed when Christy said I will be right over.. I love her! I heard her come through my front door and I came literally bouncing and screaming around the corner.. she has it all on video and it is a hoot to watch.. me with no hair brushed.. in my p.j.'s elated that Sarah had a sister! It was then, on film that I told Sarahgrace.. her reaction was priceless and forever etched in my mind. I tear up just thinking of that day.. I waited so long to be a mom again.. we have so many babies in heaven waiting on us.. it was healing.
That day we went to our agencies office to see her and sign papers excepting her as our daughter. I can't begin to describe how emotional that day was. It was relief, happiness, over-the-top-joy, giddiness, forgetfulness, running in circles and going no-where-ness, sorrow in knowing she had to have loss in order to be part of our family, can't wait to get my hands on her - ness.. and more.
So today, I am sure I will get sappy.. b/c my two daughters share the same "labor/referral" day.. and they have brought so much joy into our lives.
Wed is Sophia's 5th birthday and Thursday is SarahGrace's 8th.. What a happy week for us..
oh. and Drew will be two years old next week :O)
Thank you Lord for the blessings and miracle children in our life. may I always love them like you love them, treat them as you treat me and encourage them the way you have been my cheerleader. Lord, thank you for these children, my gifts from you. They are so precious to me and i am so grateful that you keep trusting me to be their mom. I am overwhelmed with emotion that you continue to trust me and allow me to raise your gifts... thank you thank you thank you...
It has come to my attention.. that I am not or have not written on this blog as I do on my private/passworded travel blogs..
I got to thinkin' why is that I wonder? Not that I am a perfect writer but why am I not writing the way I use to?
The only thing i came up with is that perhaps I am not "letting go" or I am feeling a little antsy about putting it out there with an open blog?? I am still writing in my private journals (paper and pen).. so perhaps i will blog what I write there for a little while..
another question i had was - why am i blogging? I blog b/c I like to. It gives me an outlet and it sure is faster at times than my pen and paper:O).. plus I love conecting with other ladies and families that are going through the same things we are.. and lastly, for friends and family to keep up with our life.. especially b/c Bob is in the military and we don't live close to family, and we move from friends.
I got to thinkin' why is that I wonder? Not that I am a perfect writer but why am I not writing the way I use to?
The only thing i came up with is that perhaps I am not "letting go" or I am feeling a little antsy about putting it out there with an open blog?? I am still writing in my private journals (paper and pen).. so perhaps i will blog what I write there for a little while..
another question i had was - why am i blogging? I blog b/c I like to. It gives me an outlet and it sure is faster at times than my pen and paper:O).. plus I love conecting with other ladies and families that are going through the same things we are.. and lastly, for friends and family to keep up with our life.. especially b/c Bob is in the military and we don't live close to family, and we move from friends.
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